Be Younonymous: On Maturity

| November 4, 2010

Welcome to a series from Culture Shock, Be Younonymous. Here, anonymous members of the BU community contribute their stories from campus life and beyond under the condition of complete secrecy. Have a story? e-mail it to Beyounonymous@bucultureshock.com . We’ll take it to our servers’ graves.

I am, by many accounts, incredibly immature. As has been reminded to me on many occasions, I have no filter. I tend to blurt things out in class, be they the answer to a question in class or a crude sexual innuendo in an intimate gathering. I act very childish at times, preferring to call names rather than settle disputes, asking for an extension on a soon-to-be-late homework assignment, or laying around and watching cartoons for hours on end. I am, in many cases, entirely inappropriate. I try to crack jokes which nigh invariably fall flat. Hell, I have difficulty making up my mind between sandwich and salad at Subway. Unless I’ve known you for under an hour, am really, REALLY trying to impress you, or some combination of the two, you will pick up on this.
As I slowly made the trek back home this evening, I pondered this. Why am I so immature? Why can’t I know when to stop? Why do I try so hard to get people to like me, such that they invariably no longer do? Thinking back through my life, I think I may have found a clue.
Who am I? I am the four year old whose best friend just moved halfway across the country. I am the seven year old getting pantsed in front of his second grade class. I am the nine year old wondering why his mommy and daddy are making him go to music lessons instead of playing soccer with his friends, the eleven year old unable to comprehend why people would fly airplanes into a building, the thirteen year old who just had a bar mitzvah and no longer believes in God. I am the fifteen year old, struggling to cope with his father’s death…

And now I’m the twenty year old, transferring back home to live near his mother. I am the twenty year old hiding behind cracked jokes and fake smiles. I am the twenty year old hoping to distract people from looking inside his closet and seeing what’s inside. I am twenty years old, and I am unable to grow up.

I write this not to give answers, but to ask questions. How did you know when it was time to finally grow up? How did you adjust to your new role? Most importantly, how do I get to a place where I can look forward and become the man I should be, instead of the boy I now am?

Lastly, I write this as an apology. There are many who have read my writing, heard me speak, or even just heard of me, and I’ve likely offended a fair few of you with my childish behavior. Let it be known that I want to change. I just don’t know how.

Category: BeYounonymous, featured

About the Author ()

Beyounonymous is an account where people in the BU community can feel free to post to Culture Shock anonymously. The purpose of this is to allow people to talk as freely as possible, particularly when the issue may be sensitive or difficult to discuss.

Comments (3)

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  1. Kristy Alaura says:

    As someone forced to “grow up” at a very young age, I only have one thing to say to you: Growing up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Besides, immaturity is not something that can be clearly defined by a “one size fits all” definition. What is immaturity to some is considered as having fun to others. Sometimes what we really need to do is look within to understand who we are, to truly be ourselves. Once we are comfortable with who we are (“immature” in the eyes of others, shy, whatever it may be) everything will be alright. But, if I had my choice everybody would be required to watch at least one hour of cartoons a week, crack an inappropriate joke at least once a week, and act childish for at least two hours a month. I believe we all need to stay connected to the immature child in each of us to stay sane in this world today.

    I think this song is pretty awesome. It’s about “growing up.” If you look it up, the recording by The Ramones is better than the Tom Waits recording.
    (Tom Waits/K. Brennan)
    When I’m lyin’ in my bed at night
    I don’t wanna grow up
    Nothin’ ever seems to turn out right
    I don’t wanna grow up
    How do you move in a world of fog
    That’s always changing things
    Makes me wish that I could be a dog
    When I see the price that you pay
    I don’t wanna grow up
    I don’t ever wanna be that way
    I don’t wanna grow up

    Seems like folks turn into things
    That they’d never want
    The only thing to live for
    Is today…
    I’m gonna put a hole in my TV set
    I don’t wanna grow up
    Open up the medicine chest
    And I don’t wanna grow up
    I don’t wanna have to shout it out
    I don’t want my hair to fall out
    I don’t wanna be filled with doubt
    I don’t wanna be a good boy scout
    I don’t wanna have to learn to count
    I don’t wanna have the biggest amount
    I don’t wanna grow up

    Well when I see my parents fight
    I don’t wanna grow up
    They all go out and drinking all night
    And I don’t wanna grow up
    I’d rather stay here in my room
    Nothin’ out there but sad and gloom
    I don’t wanna live in a big old Tomb
    On Grand Street

    When I see the 5 o’clock news
    I don’t wanna grow up
    Comb their hair and shine their shoes
    I don’t wanna grow up
    Stay around in my old hometown
    I don’t wanna put no money down
    I don’t wanna get me a big old loan
    Work them fingers to the bone
    I don’t wanna float a broom
    Fall in love and get married then boom
    How the hell did I get here so soon
    I don’t wanna grow up

  2. Alexa Beychok says:

    Ok. What does it mean to grow up? Does it mean to get a job? Stop relying on others? Taking everything seriously? For some people.. yes. For you (even though I don’t know you).. I don’t think so. Everyone deals with things differently. Maybe joking functions as a coping mechanism for you. Maybe you have very strong family values, which is my you want to be close to your mother. Maybe you’re a little bit introverted, which isn’t a bad thing at all. I also think that the fact that you are even analyzing these things shows a great deal of maturity. Don’t fret my friend. Life has a habit of working itself out.

  3. Allyson Galle says:

    Whoever you are, I don’t think you’re incapable of growing up. I don’t think I have to know who you are to know that. Many people seem to think that one can just change his or her behavior if it’s deemed inappropriate, immature, etc., and many more people are successfully able to put on the facade of actually being able to make that change. But growing up is a process. The people who abruptly change it are faking it. The fact that you are aware of the affects of these behaviors seems, to me, a mark of maturity in and of itself. So whoever you are, I’m sorry that you’re struggling so much and I hope you’re staying strong.