I have a suggestion, BU.
Stop drawing penises in the snow.
I’m sorry, that was unfair. Since we’re an urban campus, it’s rude to assume it’s BU students that are tracing the phallic shapes into the beautiful white blankets that cover so much of our campus during winter. It could be a bus full of twelve-year-old boys that take a field trip to the COM lawn every time their chaperone notes that snow has drifted down upon our campus. Although I don’t know why their chaperone is okay with this. Or who that chaperone might be. There’s a lot to figure out there.
Anyway. If it is you, BU student, I’m asking you to stop.
I know. You don’t want to stop. Snow penises are funny! Who expects — walking along Bay State, right next to the (extremely dark and terrifying and Edgar Allan Poe-ish) Admissions Building – to turn to her right, and see an etching of genitalia where the campus map should be?
Hey, our campus isn’t shaped like that! You sure got me!
I just think that we can find something more useful to draw. The COM lawn penises mentioned earlier are huge, and thus better made out from the higher angle that the Warren Towers dining hall window seats offer. But what if we had something else to look at while eating? Personally, I think it would be rad if someone drew a unit circle in the snow there. Then we could all do math along the windows in Warren, sipping on warm caffeinated things (because college!) and gazing out the window at basic trigonometric facts.
In terms of general morale, I bet the big snow penises are bringing us down. I’d guess they’re kind of emasculating, considering their general outlandishness of size (Please don’t comment about this. I don’t want to know). And…even the ones that aren’t, oh, ten feet long, kind of throw me off as a lady. I don’t want to see either gender’s genitals on my way to linear algebra, generally, but even still — I can’t help but think that the snow-graffiti seems a bit exclusive.
So let’s all collect ourselves, and stop. Let’s build snowmen and snow-women and snow-genderneutralhumans. Let’s draw unit circles and write out the first lines of T.S. Eliot’s The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock and plant a Bigfoot-print on the BU beach and stop drawing snow penises. Let’s get creative, BU. Not everyone is blessed with renewable campus canvases. Next time, do some original snow-doodling.