Never Enough

| May 2, 2017 | 0 Comments

My bookshelf is full of books I haven’t read yet. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I probably will never read some most of them. That’s pages and pages of stories, knowledge, lessons I will not soak in.

The reason is not a lack of interest, quite the opposite actually. It’s an overwhelming, broad, sweeping interest which has led to books of poetry, books about space, plays, history books and memoirs and sci-fi and books by all different kinds of authors from all periods of time accumulating in my room. I see a book and think, That sounds interesting, I’ll pick it up and read it later. Then that book ends up buried on my shelf, collecting dust, unopened for years. Other books come before it and I have so little time to read for pleasure anyways, and besides, all my homework is reading so why shouldn’t I just watch a couple episodes of whatever comedy I’m watching these days with my homework rather than reading more? The real problem is that I don’t have enough time to read all the books I want to. There can never be enough time.

There’s not enough time to know all I want to know. My time in university is limited (and so are my finances) but there are so many subjects to study. In an ideal world I could be an undergrad indefinitely, finishing my international relations studies and then studying all the languages I want, understanding astrophysics, taking some literature courses, learning computer programming, exploring biochemical engineering, dabbling in marine biology. There is so much to learn and I want to know and understand it all. But there just isn’t time. There can never be enough time.

There’s not enough time to explore everywhere I want to explore. In theory (read: if I could afford it), I could visit every country in the world. But it isn’t possible to explore every hidden beach, wander the streets of every village and talk to its people, or immerse myself in every culture. The world is so wide and diverse and complex and beautiful and I want to experience it all but there isn’t time. There can never be enough time.

I’m young but it still feels sometimes that there is so much I could have done in these 21 years that I didn’t, and life is already too short to begin with. It’s easy to get overwhelmed thinking about this, but I try to focus on learning and experiencing all that I reasonably can in the time I have and not worrying about what I simply cannot.

I am and we are catapulting recklessly and irreversibly forward through time and there will never be enough of it.

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photo credit: LewisPope StarTrail Jan 2014 (Edited) via photopin (license)

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Category: featured, Reflections

Ellen Asermely

About the Author ()

Ellen Asermely is a junior in the Pardee School studying International Relations. Born and raised in Rhode Island, the smallest but weirdest state, she enjoys coffee milk, the Big Blue Bug, and Awful Awfuls. In her free time, Ellen can be found by the ocean, eating anything with cheese on it, reading Harry Potter, or hugging strangers' dogs.

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