Passive Aggression is Silent Agony

A couple of weeks ago, I called my mom for advice. I was angry at people and I did not know whether to address it or pretend everything is okay. My mother, in the classic patience one achieves after being a mother of two and nearing fifty, told me to let it go; it was a small incident and I could just forget about it. I, in the classic temper of a twenty-something-year-old, could not. However, I decided to go with the “mother knows best” practice and followed her route. I could always be angry on the inside, I told myself. I am still confronting the situation, I lied.

Passive aggression is silent agony.

It is heavy on the chest! Every time I think of the situations I have “diffused” by just harboring the anger inside of me, I panic a lot more than the recommended daily amount. Yet, I keep doing it and I know I am not the only one.

I cannot truly remember the last time I had a fight with a friend. To the public, I will say this with an air of superiority, but deep down I worry. I look at the times I have messed up: we have never spoken about it. On the surface, it is the same smiles and the regular conversations, but every now and then someone will make a sly comment and the awkwardness will ensue. The awkwardness will ensue for weeks and occasionally I will choose to stay in than have to deal with it. This is all because no one decided to talk it out.

photo credit: Anne Worner Ladies' Day Out via photopin (license)

photo credit: Anne Worner Ladies’ Day Out via photopin (license)

Why have we equated confrontation with something negative? Is it truly better to give snide remarks for a month, rant to others over coffee dates, and generally seethe with negativity than talking it out? Why can Hollywood get away with fighting and making up, but not the real world?

I truly do not know. After all, I am part of the problem.

My confrontation skills have been reduced to using full stops in text messages and scornful one-liners. I am not proud of it and neither am I brave enough to start talking things out. I am just tired! Passive aggression stops me from truly laughing out loud with someone because I remember that one annoying thing they did a million years ago. It stops me from genuinely enjoying people’s company. Am I tired enough to stop doing this? I do not know.

Passive aggression is easy because we are obsessed with putting up a front that everything is okay, but if I am still thinking about a menial fight that happened almost a month ago, everything is obviously not okay. Hopefully, I will change my tendency to be passive-aggressive, starting with this post. (Or maybe this is another passive-aggressive move by yours truly.)

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featured photo credit: Tom Simpson Angry Lucy van Pelt via photopin (license)

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Hansika Ramchandani

About the Author ()

Hansika Ramchandani is a Junior double majoring in History and International Relations. She loves it when you laugh at all of her [not] funny jokes and accept the fact that she needs yet another cup of coffee.

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