Secksy Socks… Or, Sexy Sox

| November 22, 2012 | 2 Comments

I am convinced that there is no sexy way to take off socks. I don’t mean that in an American, sexually-saturated, “all things that people do must be sexy” kind of way. I mean, pre-coitus, when you actually want to be sexy, there is no way to take off your socks in what could be described as a sexy manner.

Which puts you in a bit of a pickle, no? ‘Cause you can’t not take them off. If the girl is wearing sexy lingerie, then socks just won’t do; and no matter how ripped you are, if you’re a dude and you’re buck-naked but for your socks, you’re going to look silly. So how do you take them off? No one ever seductively pulled off socks with their teeth, the way you can with underwear.

But why?

I think it’s the fault of the foot. But really, think about it. Whenever you take off an article of clothing, the reason you can do it seductively is because there’s something underneath that the other party really wants to see. You take off a shirt, you see pecs, abs, breasts (still sexy even if covered by a bra); you take off pants, you see sexy legs, panties, boxers, all that good stuff. But if you take off socks, you see feet.

Now, I will grant you, there are some people that are really into feet. Like, way too into feet. And there are some people that are a little too freaked out by them. I’m not talking about extremes. Let’s take your average guy or gal, with perhaps a few fetishes but nothing crazy. For either party, whether it is heterosexual or homosexual (correct me if I’m wrong LGB friends), feet are not going to be as climactic a reveal as would any other body part. And when you really think about it, feet are the only non-sexual body part that we habitually cover. My guess is this is why we get confused. We are used to associating clothing coming off with seeing a body part which arouses us. So when the socks come off and we just see feet… All of a sudden it’s not so sexy.

Ergo, there is no sexy way to take off socks.

So what do we do? Walk around barefoot? With winter steadily approaching, it seems like a bad move. Have sex with socks on? You could, but in the end you would both know. And you would both be thinking about it as you go at it. When you’re making sweet love to your honey-bunny, with Barry White playing in the background, do you really want to be thinking about your socks? More importantly, do you want him/her thinking about your socks? I’ll answer that for you. No. Should we all just date foot-fetishists? I don’t know if there’s enough to go around.

I guess maybe the way to really do it, is to be honest. Throw on a pair of rainbow socks, and see if that doesn’t lighten the awkwardness.

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Category: featured, Romance, The (Sex)es

About the Author ()

An expat and perpetual wanderer, Tino studied Linguistics and Psychology in CAS. He now teaches Spanish in Detroit. Interests include: bulky journals, tattoos, Arizona black&white tea, food, C3, introspection and over-analysis.

Comments (2)

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  1. Sophia says:

    The only type of socks that could be considered traditionally “sexy” would be stockings; there is definitely a seductive way to take those off… but that maneuver wouldn’t work too well for ankle socks. Also, how often DO people think about their or another’s socks before doing the horizontal tango? (I am genuinely curious) At that point, does it even matter how one takes off his/her socks? Is this another thing people should be conscious of? As long as it’s quick and no one awkwardly falls over, why worry?

  2. Emily Emily says:

    Brilliant post Tino! You’re right, it’s a real problem because there’s just nothing particularly sexy about socks, or feet for that manner. But this is how I see it, dosen’t everything else make up for that one slightly awkward moment? I mean, how long do you really dwell on your partner’s feet?

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