The XXI Commandments

| May 4, 2012

My dear friend David asked me if I had ever heard the song “Thou Shalt Always Kill” by dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip.

My response was something like: “I don’t listen to death metal…”

I was wrong. Very wrong. What I took to be death metal turned out to be pretty awesome. I don’t normally recommend music, but when I do it’s pretty awesome.

I decided to craft some commandments of my own. (Those ten everyone keeps talking about never really worked for me…)

The XXI Commandments



Thou shalt not wear ironic t-shirts.
Thou shalt not worship false brands.
Thou shalt not wear shorts with tiny whales.

Joe Strummer died for your sins. Why are you wearing these?


Thou shalt honor thy mother and father and call them from time to time.
Thou shalt cover for your siblings.
Thou shalt remember all birthdays.

You can really never go wrong with Cookie Puss


Thou shalt not ask questions in lecture when five minutes remain.
Thou shalt not pack up when the professor is trying to say three more words.
Thou does not know everything first year graduate student.

My insight on Freud will rock Psych. 101


Thou shalt not take Kenneth Elmore’s name in vain.
Thou shalt not claim “West is Best.”
Thou shalt read Culture Shock daily.

Let there be Elmore


Thou shalt not double text.
Thou shalt reach for the check.
Thou shalt know when she’s not interested.

"Me thinks a cupid I shall play"-Dr. Tobias Fünke


Thou shalt not overuse the phrase “dubstep remix.”
Thou shalt not “ironically” enjoy Top 40 hits.
Thou shalt not claim that Manfred Mann’s version of “Blinded by the Light” is better than the Boss’s.

“The reason I’m running for president is because I can’t be Bruce Springsteen.”-Barack Obama (Actual Quote)


Thou shalt not assume democrats do not understand fiscal policy.
Thou shalt not assume republicans do not understand fiscal policy.
Thou shalt not be taken seriously if thou thinks creationism has a place in school.

Here's lookin' at you kid...

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Category: featured, Music, Philosophy and Religion

Adam DiBattista

About the Author ()

Adam DiBattista (CAS '14) is extremely proud to say that he is an Italian from New Jersey. Don't bother asking him about Jersey Shore. From the time he was a child he knew that he wanted to be an archaeologist. He continues working on that dream as an archaeology major. He fancies himself a renaissance man and dabbles in many things. Perhaps extreme amateur would be a better term. In his spare time he can be found trying to play harmonica or top-roping at Fit-Rec. Adam has many obsessions: Woodcut illustration, Italian grindhouse films of the 1970s, and cryptography (just to name a few).

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  1. The Fashion Commandments* | Rosemary DiBattista | November 26, 2011
  1. Rachel says:

    The captions to the pictures are just wonderful.

  2. Bonnie says:

    Hahaha! Word.

  3. William William says:

    Agreed on all counts. Awesome blog post – and a really cool song as well!

  4. Allyson Galle says:

    I love basically everything about this post. Good job! :)

  5. Leaaaaaaaaa says:

    This is amazing. I actually laughed out loud in class. Whoops.

  6. David Bartlett says:

    So. Yeah. I’m the David mentioned.