My dear friend David asked me if I had ever heard the song “Thou Shalt Always Kill” by dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip.
My response was something like: “I don’t listen to death metal…”
I was wrong. Very wrong. What I took to be death metal turned out to be pretty awesome. I don’t normally recommend music, but when I do it’s pretty awesome.
I decided to craft some commandments of my own. (Those ten everyone keeps talking about never really worked for me…)
The XXI Commandments
Thou shalt not wear ironic t-shirts.
Thou shalt not worship false brands.
Thou shalt not wear shorts with tiny whales.
Thou shalt honor thy mother and father and call them from time to time.
Thou shalt cover for your siblings.
Thou shalt remember all birthdays.
Thou shalt not ask questions in lecture when five minutes remain.
Thou shalt not pack up when the professor is trying to say three more words.
Thou does not know everything first year graduate student.
Thou shalt not take Kenneth Elmore’s name in vain.
Thou shalt not claim “West is Best.”
Thou shalt read Culture Shock daily.
Thou shalt not double text.
Thou shalt reach for the check.
Thou shalt know when she’s not interested.
Thou shalt not overuse the phrase “dubstep remix.”
Thou shalt not “ironically” enjoy Top 40 hits.
Thou shalt not claim that Manfred Mann’s version of “Blinded by the Light” is better than the Boss’s.
Thou shalt not assume democrats do not understand fiscal policy.
Thou shalt not assume republicans do not understand fiscal policy.
Thou shalt not be taken seriously if thou thinks creationism has a place in school.